The Paradox of Self-Acceptance & Making the Unconscious Conscious
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A POINTER
The Paradox of Self-Acceptance
American Psychologist Carl Rogers (1902-1987):
The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.
I would go even a step further and say that when I accept myself just as I am, then change is inevitable. Not only can I change, but I will change.
Why? Because unconditional acceptance opens me to the possibility that I am okay—right here, right now—just as I am. If I never achieved another thing in life, I still belong simply because I exist.
My worth is inherent. My life is its own meaning.
When I know and accept this deeply—not just as an idea, but as a felt sense—I am free to live fully and fearlessly. And the natural byproduct of fearless living is creative evolution. It’s only when I don’t accept myself, or box myself in with should, shouldn’t, and self-judgment, that I keep myself stuck where I am.
A PRACTICE
Mirror Gazing
How do you practice self-acceptance?
Several years ago, a friend introduced me to mirror gazing as a tangible way to bring the idea of self love and acceptance from my head into my body.
Every time I’ve practiced it, mirror gazing has been a profound experience with surprising effects. Here’s a challenge, if you’re up for it: try it daily for one week and see for yourself what happens.
Here’s how it works:
Find a time when you can be alone and uninterrupted.
Stand or sit comfortably in front of a mirror, and set a timer for five minutes.
Make eye contact with yourself. Soften your gaze and breathe slowly, but naturally. Relax and be with yourself. Bring your full attention to your body and be curious about what you notice—any loving or judging thoughts, tension, or ease. Whatever the experience, accept it fully.
As thoughts, feelings, and stories come up, don’t push them away. Instead, say silently to yourself, “I accept myself completely.”
To be honest, the first time I tried this I felt a little hokey for the first couple minutes… and then something unexplainable clicked. Don’t take my word for it. Try this for yourself and see what comes up.
A PARABLE
On The Cages That Keep Us Small
In her book Radical Acceptance, psychologist and spiritual teacher Tara Brach shares this powerful story:
Mohini was a regal white tiger who lived for many years at the Washington D.C. National Zoo. For most of those years her home was in the old lion house—a typical twelve-by-twelve-foot cage with iron bars and a cement floor. Mohini spent her days pacing restlessly back and forth in her cramped quarters.
Eventually, biologists and staff worked together to create a natural habitat for her. Covering several acres, it had hills, trees, a pond and a variety of vegetation. With excitement and anticipation they released Mohini into her new and expansive environment.
But it was too late.
The tiger immediately sought refuge in a corner of the compound, where she lived for the remainder of her life. Mohini paced and paced in that corner until an area twelve by twelve feet was worn bare of grass.
We all inhabit our own cages. Ours are not made of steel, though, but of something stronger: the thoughts, beliefs, and meta-stories we inherited from society about who we’re supposed to be and how we’re not enough as we are.
The cage offers familiarity and a sense of safety, but always at the cost of our freedom. What cages are you aware of in your life? If you’re aware of them, why waste another minute inside? You may be in a cage, but the door is unlocked. In many cases it’s wide open. You simply have to walk through the door.
ARTICLE
Why Most People Lack Self-Awareness
Today marks American writer and civil rights activist James Baldwin’s 100th birthday. Baldwin wrote often about the necessity for self-awareness, and famously said in a 1962 New York Times piece:
His words always remind me of the premise made famous by psychologist Carl Jung:
Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.
Where do you start, though? Here is a practical piece from Kirsten Powers (if you don’t follow her, you should) that I’ve shared with a few friends recently:
Also, a helpful practice to cultivate self-awareness is to Make Friends with Resistance. If you’ve committed to living with freedom, you won’t have to work hard to bring your unconscious to the surface. Life will conspire to bring circumstances and people your way that will trigger those aspects of you that need to be seen.
You’re job is notice when it happens and make new conscious choices.
Join other intentional humans in 104 countries and 49 U.S. states who are committed to creating a life of freedom and fulfillment through Self-awareness.
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Thanks, Kevin, for the insightful discussion on self-acceptance and bringing the subconscious to light. Keep sharing these kinds of insights. It's refreshing to see someone tackle this stuff in a real, down-to-earth way.
Kevin, I think this will resonate! I love how you section it off. There’s big value here in small bites. That seems to be the way people digest things these days. I am loving your Podcasts. Keep them coming. 🙏❤️